Davide Calabria, former Milan captain, was interviewed by Rivista Undici. The full-back, now playing at Rafa Benítez’s Panathinaikos after a stint at Bologna, opens up like never before.
Did you get help during difficult times?
"Absolutely. When I was younger, I wasn’t prepared. Now I have a psychologist who has been helping me for a while. It’s like talking to a friend, not only during tough periods. Everything started there, though. During the last year and a half in Milan, I went through a very, very complicated personal time off the field. I had major difficulties, nobody knew. Maybe a few close teammates guessed, a few friends and my parents, but no one really knew. I didn’t want it to be known so I could focus completely on football, or also because I’m very private. Football was my anchor, a way to switch off my mind, or at least try. But I struggled to find positive motivation at that time. I was really down. It’s hard to explain. It’s unpleasant because publicly no one knows, yet performances and everything else continue. I had to balance things, separate personal life from work."
Calabria added:
"I reached a point where the only thing I cared about was getting out of that dark moment. I had to do something. I wanted to give more in terms of leadership during a difficult moment for the team, but sometimes I couldn’t help as I wished, I struggled to help myself first, it was tough. Getting help is essential. Psychology is a field I’m really enjoying. It’s becoming more accepted now. I hope in the future all clubs, even at the national level, take steps to raise awareness and help people. Milan was probably one of the first clubs to act, even in the youth sector, but it was still a bit superficial. If I could go back, I’d explore this world sooner. For a period, I also had a mental coach, though it’s different from a psychologist. With him, we discussed or did exercises focused on football performance or managing pressures consciously. That was equally useful and helped me understand certain things better. Mental health is essential: if your mind is right, your performance follows. The key is finding the right psychologist. Like coaches: one suits you well, another less so. It’s very personal and varies by individual. There’s another point."
Which?
"It’s not enough to tell the psychologist ‘okay, I understand’ and then forget everything. There’s no need to rush, you need to work on the concepts and absorb them. It’s a long process."
How do you isolate yourself from criticism in a tough period?
"It depends on a person’s character and many other factors. I read about Araujo asking Barcelona to stop. I didn’t want to stop because it wasn’t about criticism, but I didn’t want to play badly during a dark personal period. Maybe I should have, I don’t know, you can’t know… At some point, I decided to open up to the Milan doctors to see how I could get help and resolve the situation, together with my psychologist. I repeat, criticism never mattered to me and never will. Actually, at that time it mattered even less. It was only about me. Though sometimes more tact would have helped. I was used to media exposure from the start. A boy raised outside a club like Milan might have collapsed. It really depends on character and personal experience, plus various factors and thoughts. It’s personal."
So who is Davide Calabria today?
"A satisfied man, but still growing, with many ambitions and challenges ahead. I’m glad I went through such tough moments. It’s too easy to only live the good ones; they don’t help much. Experiencing hard times, when maybe you don’t want to do anything for days but have to, shapes you personally. I’m twenty-nine and happy with where I am. I believe being a good person matters more than being a good footballer. Knowing how to live, being at peace with yourself and society, being able to relate to others. Of course, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Today, I’m happy."
